Hello, this is me.
Hi, my name is Neil Altrogge. A quick nutshell of who I am and what I do. I am a man who enjoys doing things different from what’s considered normal. I started building out of barn and recycled wood twenty plus years ago. I know it is a passion given to me from God, because the steps of
my life mirror the way I build to were the old cynical Neil could not ignore the changes that were happening. Some days I feel I can let some things out. Honestly that’s what the last three and a half years have been for me writing about things that don't want to be inside anymore. But today it feels like its time to give you the basics. If you haven't put two and two together yet, my big reveal is, I am a widower. Hmmm that's the first time I've called myself that exact word. I've always had different forms of the word I could substitute into place, like my personal favorite "My Scarlet W" or my trip down "Avenue W". But be that as it may, I feel I need to tell you why I build the things I do, write the things I write and say the things I say.
I lost my wife of 24 years to breast cancer in 2019. Vickie Altrogge, nee Taylor was my biggest supporter and biggest fan. She always told me I should be doing this. This should answer why I write the way I do. Life without her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been asked to do, throw on top of that a worldwide pandemic and life just hasn’t made the steps I was expecting. But the changes in me I cannot ignore. A friend built me this website and it took off. In all honesty I dropped of. My zeal for most things in my life hit a rather tough stretch, it’s difficult to explain but there are those out there who do understand my situation. I still enjoyed building, but I hit dry spells where I couldn’t think my way around a problem, it was explained to me as grief brain. Yet another new normal to work through and around.
The similarities from my life to my building, go like this. I will not pretend that I wasn’t who I was, I was an interesting person, I ran my life (or so I thought) I’m sure Vickie and God would not share my opinion, but I was who I was mistakes and all. Point is there were a lot of mistakes and bad choices I was buried under. Over the years I have made some very different projects never sure where the Ideas came from, I am more aware of where they came from now!
When I lost Vickie God was leading me, but I was still fighting Him. There was so much anger there, but I put the smile on my face and went forward. After building for a friend, I checked out a pile of boards across his pasture. They had been pushed in a pile, mixed in with dirt, some of the famous grey color everyone thinks of, but literally rotting in amongst the dirt. I still don’t know why but I pried one off the pile. A type of board I have stepped over and walked away from for years without thinking twice about. This time I needed to take it home.
People love the grey boards for barn wood. I love finding out what’s underneath. I can tell you when you clean the dirt disgust and rot away from a piece of wood you would be surprised what all the filth and rot can do. Set a new 1x4 out in the sun for two years and it will weather to an interesting grey. But let trials, water dirt and decay come after a board, when you clean it down to its core you will find beauty, colors and shapes you never imagined. The very same thing God does with us!
Now the trials that board has endured have cleaned away the superficial substandard wood or covering that was so susceptible to rot decay… sin. God allowed that rot, decay/sin to eat away at the board and me. For the life of me I could not understand this process. I can’t stop this! Why wont He help me rid myself of this all-consuming sin?? Because God knows what’s beneath our superficial exteriors He has always known, He built us literally from the ground up. When trials and sin have done their work getting to the core that is you, they can leave some pretty deep scars. That’s what God cleans away as only he can, revealing what He put there in the beginning. What am I telling you? I am amazed at the mundane everyday things that God has put around me that contain the beautiful work of his hands. I just needed to start looking for them.
So, what have you done? Have you spent your days laying in the sun working on that exterior you want people to see? Or have you been down in the dirt and the mud covered in the rotting decisions of your past, more appt to embrace those same sins of your past, because the change is more than you can fathom doing? To be continued. Sorry its late eyes fingers and brain wont work together to type.
Well good morning I just reread that, It appears that I get pretty deep as I get sleepy. So what changes have happened? Before I tell you I may lead off this way. I started to comprehend the playing field I'm on. I cannot earn anything and I cannot pay for anything. I started to realize it's an all inclusive where the tab is paid, yes paid. You know the feeling I'm talking of because my next thought was "Fine, then I'm leaving the tip!... Tips aren't accepted? Well what on earth do you accept?"
Really...my heart?? All of it?? Not a corner but all of it.
OK understood and situation grasped! Along with that you kinda just start paying it forward, if that makes sense? You wont notice it but there will be little changes in what your doing, suddenly you realize who and what your doing it for and yea, it feels good. You start to see your passions, Like singing, am I good at it? I would say NO every day of the week, but people tell me they like it, and yes I love it! So I'm starting to believe that answer is going to turn to a yes because I'm the only one who thinks I cant sing. Teaching! Yep you read that right. A fellow who used to be the teachers nightmare is now teaching! But I will always say that works in my favor, because I know all the tricks children try to get away with. Also because for some odd reason I haven't nailed down yet, I cant talk to grown ups?!? Kids seem to be no problem. My wife is shaking her head right now. I drove her nuts, no matter where we went I knew someone and would be off yapping. So God is rebuilding me, I can talk to kids like I used to talk to everyone, so I teach a tweens class at church on Wednesday nights and Its one of the best things I have ever done.
Lastly, writing. It started as short bits on the notes on my phone to bravery to put them on Instagram. These were the moments that I realized I was ready to let things out. But the words that came out, that wasn't me, hey I should have a grasp of the English language before I think I'm going to write things for people to read. But when you give control to the one who knows your life better then you ever will, the changes that will be made... get ready.
Signing out, going to get back at building TTYL.
July 19th/2022
This apparently will be the blog I keep coming back to and adding and adding. So I've been trying to finish up my web page, I can keep finding more and more ways to make it perfect (which it will never be!) But that's the way my brain was wired. Realizing that I Just need to pull the trigger and let this go has finally taken the forefront of my plans no need to keep trying to make things perfect, changes can be added as we go. But only if I had a slight clue when it comes to Facebook. This would have been promoted months ago, but when you learn as slow as I do and, adding to that how stubborn I am, I know it will happen, it will Just be painful for anyone who happens to be watching me do this. Although today was an interesting day. A few more titles bubbled out of me while I was having coffee. I'm Just going to put them in here. Bare with me.
VULNERABLE
"He gives strength to the weary and Increases the power of the weak!"
Isaiah 40:29 NIV
Until I allow my weakness to take center stage there will not be a change, because I am relying on my own strength.
Be weak. Show what's vulnerable, and watch Him change your life, your circumstances.
Thank you Lord.
The tiny guy in the red chair:)
The second one was PAIN its a title of something I wrote three years ago But have struggled with the topics covered, there ok here in my heart but the fear of letting them out is still quite strong. But this title came out in a little different way today. Let me know what you think.
PAIN
Physical / Emotional
These seem to lead the way.
This is what I concentrate on.
This is how I give them power.
Age will increase the pain in the physical.
My mind will increase the pain in the emotional.
How do I remove their power?
I cant.
Because they form me into who I am.
They literally produce the scars of my life.
These scars are the rewards of my battles won.
In His Strength!
You don't like your scars?
Well most of us don't, at first.
We don't get many of them sunning on a beach.
We get them when God puts a mountain between us and where he is telling us to go.
The flat level path sure looks good then, but what will you learn from it.
God has always known what your capable of and it may produce a deep scar.
But think of what you can walk through when scars are all you see behind you!
Ok, getting back to finishing the web page. Because if I don't there's no point in writing any of this down, It might as well be stuck in my heart between God and me.
We'll talk again! trust me. :)
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